you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
