Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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