how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
