Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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