sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
