I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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