I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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