And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
