Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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