everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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