I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
