So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
