Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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