The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
