if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
