bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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