He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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