Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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