And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
