Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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