i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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