Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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