I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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