Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
