Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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