i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
