Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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