im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's never too late to be topless.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
