I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
