then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
