guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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