Jerry, you need to find god
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
