The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
