as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
