I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
