Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
