youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
