I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Princesses don't give blow jobs
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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