I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
