I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
