dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
