go do what you do best...puke behind churches
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
