Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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