ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
