i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
