I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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