He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
