how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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