You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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