So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
