Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And then my night got REAL pukey
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
