you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
